"Help! My in-laws aren't happy with my wedding..."

Oh this is such a classic one… and I really feel for you because it’s such a pull in two completely different directions.

The first thing, before anything else, is you and your partner need to get aligned as a unit. What actually matters to you both? What do you want your wedding to feel like? Strip everyone else out for a second and be really honest. Because if you’re even slightly wavering, people will feel that and step straight into the gap. When you’re solid together, everything else becomes much easier to handle.

It’s completely valid that you feel torn. You’re trying to honour what feels exciting and right for you, whilst also not wanting to upset people you care about. That tension is very normal.

But it is your wedding. Not your in-laws’, not your family’s. Yours.

That doesn’t mean dismissing their feelings though. It actually means being adult about it. Recognising this might hurt them, saying that out loud, and still standing by what you want. Something like, “I know this might not be what you imagined and I get that. It doesn’t mean we love you any less. This just feels right for us.”

I imagine they feel left out of something important and that’s why they’re unhappy about it. So instead of getting stuck in “they don’t like Vegas,” it’s worth thinking about what they’re actually worried about. Are they picturing you running off without them? Missing a moment they’ve always imagined? Not feeling included in a big life event?

Once you address this, you can show them the world you’re seeing. The fun, intimate, a bit iconic, very you as a couple. Sometimes showing them visuals or even a short video changes the tone completely because it moves it from abstract to real.

At the same time, it’s worth asking yourselves a few practical questions. Do they need to be there? Do you want them there? Or is part of the appeal that it’s just the two of you doing something that feels very you?

There’s no rule that says they have to come, and there’s no rule that says you have to build your plans around their comfort either. But you should do things you’re comfortable with and isn’t going to cause a world of pain going forward.

There are lovely ways to include them without changing your plan. Ways you can soften things without compromising the core decision. A dinner when you’re back, a celebration, something that lets them feel part of it. Often that’s all people really want.

The key thing is not over-explaining or turning it into a negotiation. The more you justify, the more it feels like it’s up for debate. You can be calm, clear, and consistent. “We’ve thought about this a lot and this is what we’ve decided.” You can acknowledge how they feel without handing over the decision.

And then the harder bit… letting them feel how they feel. They might not love it straight away. That doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Trying to fix their reaction is usually what creates more tension, not less.

So it really comes back to this. What will you regret more? Having the wedding you actually wanted and managing a bit of short-term discomfort, or keeping everyone else happy and quietly wishing you’d done it your way? Because believe me… it’s not nice to spend all the time, energy and money on the best day of your life that doesn’t look as you imagined.

There isn’t a version of this where everyone feels perfectly fine. I imagine there are probably 1% of weddings that look like that!! But there is a version where you’re aligned as a couple, you communicate with kindness, you show them your world, and you still choose what feels right for you.

And that’s usually the one that feels best in the long run.